It's been a while

I'm still mulling over the definition of beauty, how to properly see beauty, but mostly how to understand beauty. Just when I think I have the right answer something knocks me upside the head and I have to re-evaluate.

Currently it is the message I just received doing a Christian webinar on the art of writing.

Sidenote: I'm covering this subject on different blogs so I'm going to try and refrain from repeating myself while also not leaving out any details.

The message was pretty simple. Readers don't want to read about unattractive males/females. They want their main characters to be attractive. They see ugly all the time. They don't want to read about ugly.

I paraphrased a bit. Shortened it up. However, those words were the advice given to a group of aspiring Christian fiction writers. In other words. Let's not have real and relatable characters. Let's have attractive ones so we'll cheer louder when the model and the millionaire get together at the end of the book.

I call doggy doody. First of all if you have to make your characters attractive so your readers remain engaged, you are a bad writer. Put down the pen and find a new hobby. Readers can't see your characters so they need to be attracted to your characters for more than their six packs, hair, eyes, etc.

Second I want to see this philosophy backed up in Scripture. We were all "fearfully and wonderfully made" according to God. I don't see anyone arguing with Him. So the 25lbs overweight woman is wonderful. The man with a scar on his arm was made in God's image. Why can't the girl with braces attract the starting point guard? Why can't a middle-aged man attract an athletic woman.

While physical beauty is open to interpretation, internal beauty is a bit more straightforward. If you have a pleasant personality, people will want to be with you.If you are angry all the time, people will refrain from spending time with you. Who stands a better chance of finding someone who they enjoy spending time with?

It's a soul thing

Let's talk about being attracted to someone. Supposedly we all have a type. Some are just looking for someone breathing. Some have a long list of physical traits. Some have a long list of personality traits with a couple of physical traits thrown in. Some aren't looking.

I believe those who are discerning but open themselves up to more than just certain physical characteristics have a greater chance of spending their life with someone. Why? Simply because you shouldn't start by weeding out all guys with a certain color hair. You greatly reduce the chances of meeting a woman if she has to be a certain dress size. I am convinced though you need to be a bit more choosy than picking someone who is breathing.

If I walk into a room of strangers, I can easily pick out a guy I would like to spend time with. I'd choose him on his looks. There are certain physical markers which I find more attractive than others. I'm a sucker for dark hair and blue eyes (hello, Matt Bomer). If you list out all my male friends, I could pick the lesser of the evils (it's an expression) with whom I think I could be compatible with.  If you parade fifty guys in front of me who are a mix of the two groups, it might be harder to choose. Do you go with someone you are physically attracted to or do you choose someone you know?

There is no denying the initial physical response. We all have eyes and when our brain registers "hottie!" we have a tendency to take a second look. I'd encourage everyone though to take a second look at the friends you have. Don't check for the physical markers but check to see if they are someone you could spend the rest of your life with.

Physical attraction can dissipate in the stench of sweaty socks left in the bedroom.

No, really I'm a girl

A recurring theme in my life is I suck at being a girl. I make a horrible girl. This isn't some twist on words where I tell you I am a woman. I'm a horrible female.

At least according to the pink brigade. I don't mean Victoria Secret. I am referring to the "sugars and spice and everything nice" expectations. I'd rather watch a football game than a soap opera. I'd rather go to a live sporting event than clubbing.  I don't see anything wrong with yoga pants and a tank top every day. I usually choose an action movie over a chick flick.

It's been recently where I've become increasingly self-conscious of my failing grade at femininity. It never used to bother me when I'd get teased for knowing more about football than most males. Being one of the guys was nice because women can be such drama. However, someone planted a seed - an evil weed of a seed.

My Facebook status of "single" is a direct result of my lack of feminine qualities according to this person. If I want to attract a male I should tone down the football love and accent with the color pink. It isn't going to happen. Anymore than I am capable of leaving the "it ain't happening" I originally typed.

I might have been given an "F" in being a girly girl, but I'm owning the "A+" in life.

Alligator skin

Let's talk leather skin. This guy, we are going to call him Al, was saved from becoming a belt, purse, pair of boots, or even upholstery because he lives in an aquarium. His skin is highly desirably to the wealthy.

Doesn't it cost us an arm and a leg to keep our skin from becoming like his? We scrub and cleanse to prevent blemishes and then spread the goop to moisturize then we add another layer to prevent wrinkles. Al's rough skin makes him a valuable commodity while our rough skin is a curse.

However, maybe the lessen is we should stop fighting our natural state. God created us knowing exactly what our bodies required to survive. Al has rough skin to survive in the rough elements. Humans have softer skin, easier to break and easier to mark up. Maybe so we'd have a bit more sympathy and take better care of each other. Humans also have less teeth and hands. Maybe so we stop biting each other and can shake hands.

Check Out This Fellow

This guy makes his home at the aquarium in Atlanta. He looks a bit like he's made out of clay with those lips. His colors aren't vibrant like many of his buddies swimming around in the tank with him.

Yet, I found myself photographing him. Not because he was unsightly, but because he was unique. There were plenty of other fish I could have captured, but this guy needed his moment in the spotlight. He contributed to the tank as a member while probably not being the most popular.

I think at times we all feel like we look this guy - out of place in a tank full of vibrant colors. I know I do. I hate wearing lipstick because I spend my time paranoid it is all over my teeth. I dislike shoes and dress shoes are the worst. When I'm dressed up I'm counting down the minutes to losing the shoes.

The thing is there is someone waiting to take your picture. There is someone who appreciates you for how you look. There is someone who relates to you. You aren't alone in the tank.

Boycotting Selfies

I took up photography so my place would be behind the camera and not in front. I could say it is because I am not photogenic. I could say it is because I am shy. I could say it is because I have a talent for photography. All would be true to different degrees. Most would be acceptable answers. However, the real reason is that I hate photos of myself. Hating photos of myself doesn’t make me unique. As a matter of fact it gives me something in common with a lot more people than most of my other hobbies ever would.

When I look in the mirror, I wish I could say I am mostly pleased with the person looking back at me. I can’t. I’m tall, but I’m too tall and not thin enough. I have blue eyes but they aren’t symmetrical. My blonde hair is best in the summer when it has been lightened by the sun. Fair skin causes me to sunburn easily so I miss opportunities to spend time in the sun. I regret cutting it because my best feature is my hair. I like the shape of my nails but they are attached to man hands. My breasts are too large. My feet are too large. My posture is horrible. I still feel like a child playing in my mother’s make up. I’d rather wear yoga pants and a tank top than feel like I don’t measure up in today’s fashions.

I don’t find my self-worth in how I look. It doesn't mean I don't target in on every blemish and inadequacy I see when I'm putting on my make up. I lament having two different shaped eyes. I search out each little hair on my face that has grown in dark. I fight with cleansers, moisturizers, and miracles in bottles to maintain my skin. The physical inadequacies I have identified in myself don't drive my life. My parents raised me to put value in the character of a person above their beauty. I believe all people are beautiful yet I can't allow myself the same courtesy. While I fail to notice other's physical unique markers, mine all have their own neon signs broadcasting their locations. It is a curse most of us bear be our own worst critics.

There are thousands of pictures on my phone. They document the amazing people and experiences I have been privileged to have. The closest I like to get to selfies in photos of my feet (preferably my toes as I hate shoes) in a new place. My memories are of the things I've seen, documented by photos without me in them.

Through this blog I want to take a journey. A journey into overcoming the insecurity I have. A path of learning to accept myself as I've accepted others.