Boycotting Selfies

I took up photography so my place would be behind the camera and not in front. I could say it is because I am not photogenic. I could say it is because I am shy. I could say it is because I have a talent for photography. All would be true to different degrees. Most would be acceptable answers. However, the real reason is that I hate photos of myself. Hating photos of myself doesn’t make me unique. As a matter of fact it gives me something in common with a lot more people than most of my other hobbies ever would.

When I look in the mirror, I wish I could say I am mostly pleased with the person looking back at me. I can’t. I’m tall, but I’m too tall and not thin enough. I have blue eyes but they aren’t symmetrical. My blonde hair is best in the summer when it has been lightened by the sun. Fair skin causes me to sunburn easily so I miss opportunities to spend time in the sun. I regret cutting it because my best feature is my hair. I like the shape of my nails but they are attached to man hands. My breasts are too large. My feet are too large. My posture is horrible. I still feel like a child playing in my mother’s make up. I’d rather wear yoga pants and a tank top than feel like I don’t measure up in today’s fashions.

I don’t find my self-worth in how I look. It doesn't mean I don't target in on every blemish and inadequacy I see when I'm putting on my make up. I lament having two different shaped eyes. I search out each little hair on my face that has grown in dark. I fight with cleansers, moisturizers, and miracles in bottles to maintain my skin. The physical inadequacies I have identified in myself don't drive my life. My parents raised me to put value in the character of a person above their beauty. I believe all people are beautiful yet I can't allow myself the same courtesy. While I fail to notice other's physical unique markers, mine all have their own neon signs broadcasting their locations. It is a curse most of us bear be our own worst critics.

There are thousands of pictures on my phone. They document the amazing people and experiences I have been privileged to have. The closest I like to get to selfies in photos of my feet (preferably my toes as I hate shoes) in a new place. My memories are of the things I've seen, documented by photos without me in them.

Through this blog I want to take a journey. A journey into overcoming the insecurity I have. A path of learning to accept myself as I've accepted others.